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Friday: Decisions, decisions, decisions (20/11/2009) We're not going to lie to you. Today was a difficult issue. What to put in? What to advise? What to use as the picture? So we decided to ignore everything and have another drink.

What To Watch Unreported World, C4, 7.30pm If EVER the admirable documentary team from Unreported World have a chance of decent viewing figures, it's tonight, isn't it, against Celebs In Need? God help us, another year of newsreaders upping their profiles is just too much. What's that? Some characters from EastEnders are doing Motown? Oh God, make it stop. Please. There's no way in hell tvBite will be watching it, but even knowing it is taking place turns our thoughts towards brandy, a revolver and a long walk in the woods. Unreported World is a barrel of laughs by comparison, focusing as it does on the horrific fate of refugees who escape from the frying pan of Burma into the fire of Malaysian authorities. Don't feel bad about loathing Children In Need.   The What In The World? Quiz, Five, 7.30pm Nerdy, middle-of-the-road comedy show with nerdy, middle-of-the-road comedians Marcus Brigstocke and Dominic Holland. And the extremely annoying Lee Hurst. It's an attempt to dumb up quiz shows a bit, and it's not half as bad as it should be, though maybe tvBite was a trifle easy on it, after just watching another execrable, script-free ep of Beautiful People.   Jack Dee Live At The Apollo, Dave, 9.40pm Rob Brydon's SUPERB Keith Barret gives an 'upbeat talk about marriage'. In turns heart-breaking and hilarious. Also... Axe Men, Five, 8pm is ace. It's like It's A Knockout with consequences and swearing. Harry And Paul, G.O.L.D, 10.20pm is class. Oh, yeah, and: "Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?" "That's right, Matrix. You did." "I lied." Commando, ITV1, 10.35pm

What To Eat Duck with Muscat and Sautéed Potatoes 2 duck breasts 1 orange, half sliced thinly and half juiced 1 tsp sugar 2 cloves of garlic, crushed 2 sprigs of thyme, picked 150ml Muscat wine 2 potatoes, peeled and sliced 1cm thick 2 tbsps olive oil 20g butter To serve Watercress Heat a pan of boiling salted water. Add the potatoes and boil for five minutes until just tender. Drain well and pat dry on kitchen paper. Cut diagonal slits into the skin of the duck. Season well with salt and pepper. Warm one tbsp of the oil in a shallow pan. Place the duck skin side down into a pan and cook until the skin is golden brown and crisping. Turn over and cook for two minutes. Remove and allow to rest in a warm place. Drain the excess fat from the pan and add the oranges and sugar. Allow to caramelise slightly then add the orange juice, garlic, wine and thyme. Simmer until reduced. While the wine reduces place the remaining oil in another shallow pan and add the potato slices. Season and fry for about three minutes on each side until lightly golden. Add the butter and continue to cook until golden brown and crisp at the edges. Slice the duck at an angle and place on top of the potatoes. Spoon the sauce over and serve. Buy a pair of Pomerols in a gift box for a Christmas present or some other booze from Majestic

Bonus Bite Weekend Watch Oy, this weather. tvBite plans to get blootered tonight and then man the sofa for most of the weekend. Is there anything on? Let's see... SATURDAY The Thick Of It, BBC2, 10.20pm According to Mark Lawson, a recent meeting between top-level BBC talent and execs saw the former bemoaning the corporation's current paranoia about any joke that the Daily Haters might find offensive, and arguing that this was stifling comedy. The suits apparently hit back by saying, "How can you say we are not risk-taking when The Thick Of It is on - and on Saturday nights, no less?" To tvBite's little mind, this is to miss the point: TTOI is still very good, but is now just a one-man turn. No matter how brilliantly barked the sweary similes, is a parody of a Labour spin-doctor who quit six years ago really pushing back the boundaries of comedy and taste? Not hating on the show, but if the execs are patting themselves on the back for how cutting-edge the series is, then that's evidence of a big problem. MOTD, BBC1, 10.25pm Sorry, didn't mean to bang on. Liddypool v Man City highlights. Ugly Beauty, BBC2, 8.45pm Waldemar Januszczak on modern art. Quite good. Long-term tvBite crush Sarah Silverman's Jesus Is Magic, E4, 12.40am and more 3D nonsense on The Greatest Ever 3D Moments C4, 9.20pm. Nope, we can't think of any either. SUNDAY Embarrassing Old Bodies, C4, 9pm Gawp at pensioners going to the doc. Not one to watch while enjoying the leftover chicken skin etc from lunchtime's roast. STDs are on the up and up among OAPs though, which is interesting. Miranda, BBC2, 10pm Quite enjoyed this sitcom about unhappily single 30-something M Hart last week. The mugging to camera is not to all tastes though. What appears to be a new season of Argumental, BBC2, 11.30pm, with John Sergeant in the chair, Bond parody in American Dad, BBC3, 10.20pm and the last of that Garrow's Law business on BBC1 at 9pm. I'm A Celeb latest headlines Ant & Dec Employ 'Pull Back & Reveal' Joke Technique Katie Pulls in 267% of Public Vote for Live Trial Ghost of Rod Hull on Standby in Case of Katie Walk-Out More at Steve Charnock's blog. DO YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING NOW

BBC1 BBC2 ITV Channel 4 Five 7.00pm Children In Need Andrew Marr's The Making Of Modern Britain Emmerdale News What's The Point? 7.30pm     Corrie Unreported World The What In The World? Quiz 8.00pm   Mastermind Harry Hill's TV Burp The Queen In 3D Axe Men 8.30pm   Autumnwatch 2009 Corrie     9.00pm     I'm A Celeb   NCIS 9.30pm   Beautiful People       10.00pm News Mastermind Children in Need Special News Film: Friday The 13th Law & Order: SVU 10.30pm CIN Newsnight Film: Commando     11.00pm         FlashForward

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