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Tuesday: No, this is how we do it, Montell Jordan (19/01/2010) This e-mail is bought to you by Topical Subject Lines Inc.

What To Watch Newswipe with Charlie Brooker, BBC4, 10pm Much as we dislike the cult of Brooker (not everything he says deserves to be parroted, you middle-class gits), his onanistic obsession and the use of his name in the titles of his shows, this is probably going to be the best show of the evening. At least, unlike his Screenwipe 'isn't Wipeout stupid?' with Charlie Brooker, Newswipe with Charlie Brooker seems to have a purpose that's slightly above pointing, laughing and making a joke about self-love or monkeys flinging excrement. It mainly seems to be 'all a bit scary', but there's always a good film from Adam Curtis, Ben Goldacre or - in this series - anything-goes Yank stand up Doug Stanhope to help matters along. And as we hypocritically say, there's a lot of annoying rubbish on tonight.   How Earth Made Us, BBC2, 9pm Having met several idiotic geologists in our lifetime (no really, it's true!), tvBite is suprised to find that we rather like Iain Stewart. His enthusiasm for rocks is totally enthralling and he's able to extend his thinking outwards to take in some big ideas. It's unfortunate timing however that the first ep concerns how faultlines and plate tectonics helped humans, when at this point, they've proved to be a double-edged sword.   Man City v Man United, BBC1, 8pm Football, football, football. That's all you ever talk about, isn't it? Also... Teeth grindingly annoying How To Look Good Naked With A Difference, C4, 8pm sees Gok Wan helping the disabled. What's the 'difference', eh? Never mind, empty headed morons, Psychic Sally, Living, 9pm is on too.

What To Eat Stuffed Aubergine Moussaka 2 aubergines 500g lamb mince Glass of red wine Spoon of tomato purée 1/4 tsp cinnamon 1/4 tsp cumin 40g flour 40g butter 200ml milk 4 tsps of grated parmesan Tub of ricotta Pinch of nutmeg 1 clove of garlic, crushed 1 small onion, chopped fine Cut the aubergine (or eggplant, if you're a weird bastard) in half lengthways and hollow out the centre, leaving about half a cm thickness all round. Chop up the middle bits. Fry the garlic and onion over a low heat for a few minutes. Then add the mince and separate. After about a minute, add the wine, tomato, cinnamon and cumin. Add the aubergine flesh and cook for 20 minutes over a low heat, stirring all the time. While that's going on, preheat the oven to 180C. Oil the skins of the aubergine. Divide the filling into your four shells. Put in the oven for 45 minutes. Mix the butter and flour over a low heat to make a roux. Add the milk and nutmeg and whisk, heating it until it is a smooth paste. Remove from heat, add ricotta and parmesan. Spoon on top of the aubergine halves. Turn your oven up to 200 and heat for another 30 mins. Done.

Bonus Bite Competition time... BIG PRIZE! WIN A CASE OF WINE WORTH £80 It's joke time! Second week of our big prize. Here are some of the best entries so far... Yes, you probably can do better than Jack Mantel and Rowan Smith. Send them to: EditorATtvbite.com and sign up a couple of friends. What's Harry Hill and Heston Blumenthal's new antiques show called?. Hair Hunters. Which American import features four witches living in New York discussing the victims they cursed that week? Hex and the City. Why does Dermot O'Leary always have a phone with him? Because Davina May Call. Can you name an inexplicably popular, apparently vegetarian condiment that actually contains anchovies? Just In Lee (&) Perrins. Send us your telly-based cracker jokes to editorATSIGNtvbite.com, sign up a couple of friends (sending names with your entry) and you could win that £80 case of lovely wine. Second best wins a load of DVDs (most of which are total rubbish). This runs for another week. Our decision is final by the way. And bear in mind that we think the ones above are pretty good. editorATtvbite.com Buy some stuff from Amazon

BBC1 BBC2 ITV Channel 4 Five 7.00pm The One Show This World: Obama And Me Emmerdale News   7.30pm Enders   The Krypton Factor   Celebrity Quitters 8.00pm Match Of The Day Hairy Bikers: Mum Knows Best Send In The Dogs How To Look Good Naked With A Difference GOD. Ice Road Truckers 8.30pm           9.00pm   How Earth Made Us Piers Morgan On... Gordon's Great Escape CSI: CSI 9.30pm           10.00pm News Muslim Driving School News Celeb BB CSI: Miami 10.30pm (10.35pm) Ali Abbas: Back To Baghdad Newsnight Doctors and Nurses At War     11.00pm (11.25pm) Jonathan Ross Film 2010 (11.20pm) An Island Parish   (11.15pm) The Big Bang Theory CSI: NY

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