TVBite

	BBC1	BBC2	ITV1	Channel 4	Five
7.00pm	The ONE Show	Who Killed The Honey Bee	Emmerdale	News	News
7.30pm	A Question Of Sport		Corrie	(7.35pm) Unreported World	(7.15pm) Cricket On Five
8.00pm	Enders	Gardener's World	Tonight: Make My Kids Happy	A Place In The Sun	Police Interceptors
8.30pm	Total Wipeout: Fast Forward		Corrie
9.00pm	Have I Got News For You	English Heritage	Boy Meets Girl	Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA	NCIS
9.30pm	Reggie Pointless
10.00pm	News	Britain's Best Drives	News	Film: There's Something About Mary	Numb3rs
10.30pm	(10.35pm) Tonight With Jonathan Ross	Newsnight	(10.35pm) Film: Red Heat
11.00pm	(11.40pm) Film: The Hunted	Newsnight Review			Criminal Minds

What To Watch

Comedy Etc Round-Up, BBC1, various

Rolf Harris, believe it or not, is the guest host on Have I Got News For You at 9pm, which could (if we're lucky) turn out to be a total disaster that you have to watch through your fingers. On Jonathan Ross 10.35pm, BBC1 the big news is that Eminem, now he's past it, has deigned to do a TV interview. What's wrong with his face, by the way? Doesn't he look much younger and at the same time much older? Ewan McGregor and Ben Stiller are the other guests. If you have a low tolerance for chat-shows, you could always catch Stiller in There's Something About Mary, C4, 10pm, which, let's be honest, is gonna be a bazillion times funnier than watching him mutually mazzying with JR.

Tonight: Make My Kids Happy, ITV1, 8pm

You know the end of The Truman Show when Jim Carrey wanders into the sea to discover it's the water in society's toilet bowl and his life is like, totally fake and everything? That's kinda what happens here when Danielle Lloyd shows some Blackpool "kidz" how fake the world of showbiz and modelling really is, innit. She removes her make up in front of them and then shows them how airbrushing works (she just doesn't mention Big Brother) In the earlier ep, the poor mites had their mobes, slap and iGods confiscated; now this. Are they happier for it? Tonight we find out at the end of ITV's totally scientific experiment. Wouldn't vivisection be more appropriate?

So Hard To Beat, BBC4, 9.10pm

Wanna love it, wanna hold it tight. A two-part documentary (both parts are shown tonight, probably because of some bizarre political bargaining) on the popular music that's flowed from Northern Ireland over the decades. There's some great interviews with Van Morrison, Neil Hannon, Therapy?, Ash, members of The Undertones and of course, Clannad and some good footage to put the whole thing in context. Funny how culture can thrive in terrible conditions, isn't it? Like tvBite on the internet, for example.

What To Eat
Garlic Roast Chicken
With the help of a lame Eminem parody 1 1.2kg chicken, giblets removed 1 head of garlic, cut in half across the middle A lemon Handful of thyme Half an onion1 1.2kg chicken, giblets removed 1 head of garlic, cut in half across the middle A lemon Handful of thyme Half an onion Guess who's back? Guess who's back? Eminem, the real Slim Shady, roasting a chick-en. Yes that's me. With an oven preheated to 200C. I still want to kill Kim, but first I'm putting the chicken in a roasting tin. My comeback single is always absurd, so I'm squeezing that lemon all over the bird. There's a whole inside the hen like I've committed a crime. That's where to put the garlic, onion, squeezed lemon and thyme. I'm proof that a white guy can rhyme. Cook for an hour and a quarter, check the juices run clear like water, bang on about how you love your daughter. SORRY. To make up here's 50 per cent of some champagne at Majestic...

Bonus Bite
Weekend Watch
SATURDAY Cricket On Five, Five, 7.15pm Roll up! Roll up! Watch the final days of a sport being strangled by the pathetic ineptitude of overpaid administrators! The Eurovision Song Contest, BBC1, 8pm Some of us happen to enjoy it, okay? Shame that Britain treats it as a big camp-a-thon even though most of the other countries have moved on. We're not convinced by Jade, Andrew Lloyd-Webber or Graham Norton mind you. (Watch Sounds Like Teen Spirit at the cinema though. It's great). Monty Python Night, GOLD, 9.45pm An evening of three solid documentaries - and no actual eps as they're owned by Comedy Central. Still, the Eddie Izzard one that kicks it off is pretty good. The Kinks, bio, 9pm Speaking of not having the rights, they managed to get 3/4 of the line up to interview but there's only about two songs captured from an American tour in the 80s. Still, worth a look. SUNDAY Wimbledon Tennis: A Centre Court Celebration, BBC2, 3.30pm We don't like to knock the Beeb as an organisation. But seriously, paying a 90-minute tribute to a ROOF? Get a grip. The Unloved, C4, 9pm Much better effort at a one-off drama than that Mandela boreathon, this is directed by loony Samantha Morton and stars Begbie as a violent dad whose 11-year-old gets taken into care. Pulling, BBC3, 9pm We don't like to knock the Beeb as an organisation. But seriously, you axe Pulling and keep up with Horne and Corden? There's got to be some serious IDIOTS there. This one-off final episode is BRILLIANT. It exudes quality from start to finish. It's well-written, well acted and sharp. WATCH IT. And write to Points of View. Buy cartoons cheap at Play.com HAVE GOOD WEEKENDS. WE WILL.

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