BBC1 BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five
7.00pm The Diary Of Anne Frank Live Arrows Emmerdale News News
7.30pm EastEnders   The Krypton Factor (7.55pm) Puppet Love Animal Rescue Squad
8.00pm Life Of Riley MASTERCHEF! The Bill River Cottage Spring Collection Cowboy Builders
8.30pm The Green Green Grass        
9.00pm Hustle Victorian Farm Total Emercency Celebrity Big Brother Film: Tightrope
9.30pm          
10.00pm News What The Victorians Did For Us (R) News Dead Set  
10.30pm (10.35pm) Film: Proof Of Life Newsnight (10.35pm) Dexter    
11.00pm   (11.20pm) Arrows (11.40pm) Film: Freeze Frame (11.10pm) Film: Wolf Creek (11.20pm) War Zone
What To Watch
Hustle, BBC1, 9pm
Where the US churns out Dexter, we get Hustle. A slick, empty piece of drama that entertains you for exactly the length of time it lasts. Episodes of the silly con trick drama not so much instantly forgettable as physically impossible to remember. That said, there are some improvements in this series. Adrian Lester rejoins the series as Mickey Bricks (Original writing alert! Mickey's been away selling the Sydney Opera house) and he's more likeable than Mark Warren. Mind you, so is almost everyone except Amanda Platell. Also, two heartwarming facts: Bill Bailey hams it up in the first ep as local know-it-all Cyclops and the plot although stupid, involves ripping off city slickers and property developers.

Dexter, ITV1, 10.35pm
The second season of the superb crime drama starts on terrestrial. Those who have already caught it on FX ohave enjoyed one of most brilliant TV performances of recent years, from Michael C Hall as the Miami police forensics expert who also happens to be a serial killer, albeit a killer only of the thoroughly deserving who have escaped more conventional justice. Season two picks up with the net tightening around Dexter, while his sister Deb (Jennifer Carpenter) is trying to put her life back together after the rather awkward matter of discovering that the love of her life was the Ice Truck Killer. Perhaps the arrival this season of Keith Carradine as a federal investigator will help her work though some of her (daddy) issues.


Style On Trial, BBC4, 10pm
If you saw last year’s Pop On Trial series, you can expect something similar - but now Stuart Maconie turns his critical eye to the world of fashion. Now what, you may ask, does Stuart Maconie know about looking good (and we mean that in the nicest way Stu)? Probably not a lot, so luckily the lovely-if-ubiquitous Lauren Laverne steps in to help debate whether, say, the catsuits of the 60s were more stylish than 70s punk wear. Does it really matter? Do we really care? Hmmn. Anyway, according to Ozwald Boateng on Why Style Matters, BBC4, 9pm style is all about "matching what’s put on outside with what’s on the inside". Mind you he also greets people by saying: "Good vibe, good vibe" so what does he know?


What To Eat
Crab and Spring Onion Spaghetti
with Mickey Bricks from Hustle


300g Brown, White or a Mix Crab Meat
300g Spaghetti
4tbsp Olive Oil
2 Cloves Garlic
1 Red Chilli, deseeded and chopped
5 Spring Onions
1 Lemon, juiced
Small Handful Basil

I like to get my ingredients by pretending to be picking them up on account for a famous chef. Despite the fact no shops would ever do this, it's the kind of thing Tony Jordan thinks happens.

Smile smugly. Bring a large pan of well salted water to the boil. Cook the pasta as according to the instructions on the packet.

While the pasta cooks chop the spring onions keeping the white and green parts separate. Very gently cook the chilli, garlic and whites of the onions until soft but without colouring.

Then open a fake cookery school and get some mug to do the rest for you. Again, unlikely to actually work, but hey, you know, I can smile smugly.

Drain the pasta, leaving about a tablespoon of water in the pan. Return the pasta to the pan and add the garlic, chilli, onions and oil they were cooked in. Stir in the crab and lemon juice. Adjust the seasoning.

Divide between warm bowls and tear over the basil leaves.

Sell it on to at least fifteen people by showing them and whipping it away before they can get their fork in.

Drink: Petit Chablis has £2 off at Waitrose now, and is available for a reasonable £7.99


Bonus Bite
TV stars we have known
A cautionary tale for aspiring journalists by tvBite's Jon Horsley*

There can be no doubting that TV journalism is a glamorous job. Whether it's waiting for 8 hours for Claire Goose on a double decker bus in a car park outside Watford, interviewing Basil Brush or phoning the wrong doctor from Holby City, the job is sprinkled with a special type of magic dust.

So when you get the chance to talk to the big stars, it's best to keep in with them. And they don't come bigger than Shane Richie. Keeping in with this kind of big name is all important. But it's best not to lie, otherwise the following could occur. You begin the interview about Minder by asking him whether he's caught any of the repeats of the old series. He responds: 'I don't get much chance to watch TV any more. I've just had a baby, so we just crash out. You know what it's like?'

If you don't have kids, the sensible response is: 'I can imagine, despite not having children.'

Not: 'Oh, yeah. Only too well.' as if you do have children. Because if you do respond thus, Shane will leap up, shake your hand and ask you their names. And after a suspicious pause, you have to think of names (Joshua and Mary - thank God not Joseph). Before you know it, the entire time you spend with him will be spent talking about your imaginary family - even down to anecdotes about them that you've copied from a barely remembered episode of Neighbours. Then when you come to listen back to the tape, you'll be cringing too hard to transcribe it properly. And you'll be suspicious that the whole thing is down to a desire to be liked by Shane f**king Richie and you will not feel good about yourself.

* tvBIte's TV's Bibi Lynch is away.


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