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Wednesday: Tommy, the Big House and Dreams (02/09/2009) Thank God the new season of programmes is beginning to kick in. Too many more days like this and we'd have to cut our picks to one a night. Still, life is good. There's something in the air. It's just not on the air.

What To Watch The Muslim Tommies, BBC1, 11.25pm Cynics (not us, obviously) would probably harp on about how this was made for all the wrong, right-on reasons. But in the end the reasoning really doesn't matter. It's a documentary about the Indian Corps, who fought on the front line in World War I. Can you imagine how strange it must have been to travel from India to the trenches of France? The story of Lucifer's fall from Heaven must have sounded like a wonderful holiday trip. Told through translated letters that have remained in the censor's office (what were they censoring?), it's simple, short and beautifully effective. It lingers in the mind for ages and returns to comfort you if you're ever subjected to a phone-in about Islam or war.   Shooting Stars, BBC2, 10pm Lots of things we can't decide about Shooting Stars. Was it actually better than this or did it have the same funny only fresher? Is Vic ill or just much older than he claims? Is the bullying of Ulrika just misogyny? Is anyone actually going to be converted to liking it or is it like going to one of those Jesus And Mary Chain reunion gigs, solely for the benefit of their own generation? Is there really nothing new that could have been better? Why isn't David Mitchell on it? Why are we complaining when it could have been Horne And Corden? Also, there really is piss-all else on.   Maximum Security, Nat Geo, 9pm (and Border Security USA after it). Your loyalties are ripped asunder as you see American officials bullying criminals and migrants. Interesting though. Also... Gypsy Child Thieves, BBC2, 7pm Not seen it but good, appaz. And Cocktail, E4, 9pm is MUCH funnier than you remember.

What To Eat Squash and tomato pasta 1 tomato 1 small butternut squash 400g spaghetti 2 tablespoons olive oil Handful of sage A tbsp of pine nuts Parmesan Peel, deseed and dice the squash into mouthfuls. Then boil for 4-5 minutes. Add the tomato for the first minute then remove, peel and chop into eighths. Remove the squash with a spoon and add the spaghetti, cooking to packet intructions. Meanwhile heat the pinenuts in a dry frying pan shaking every 30 seconds until toasted. When the spaghetti is done, mix with the olive oil, sage, squash and tomato, tossing together. Top with Parmesan and serve. Best wine offers from Majestic. Give them a go. Go on. It's easier, better and cheaper than Threshers:Click here for Majestic's top ten offers...

Bonus Bite tvHate Mock The Week, BBC2, 10pm See how Gordon Brown's mouth falls down after he speaks? See how Dawn French is fat? See how Scottish people are smack heads? What about some celebrities? Don't they get DRUNK? See children? Aren't they sexy? See cricket? Isn't it boring? See stand-ups? When they guest on Mock The Week, don't they get to choose a round that allows them to recite a big chunk of their stand-up routine? Mock The Week grows ever more popular, being the sole mainstream comedy satire show not peopled by authority figures and old favourites whose laughs grow more grating by the week. It is the Frankie Boyle show, of course. While the others flail around him fighting, often pointedly, for applause, he can deliver the audience into a paroxysm of frenzied self-congratulation merely by suggesting that John Prescott is fat/Gordon Brown has one eye/David Cameron is posh. Of course, the comedians (Boyle in particular) are capable of wit. But that's not the main outcome of the show. It's not about laughs. It's a show about concision, speed and nastiness. Get a clear run on the mic before anyone else and suggest that MTW stands for Mediocre Television Spamfilter and you'd get a laugh just for having replaced an initial with a rude word. The most telling point is the guest comedians. Whether total rubbish (Gina Yashere) average (John Richardson) or brilliant (Stewart Lee (who described his own appearance thus: 'I must have looked like a competition winner, who'd won a prize to sit silent on an unfunny topical quiz show')) they never make any impact. They're always less important than Andy Parsons. Think about how that must feel. HELP US OUT. Buy stuff on Play

BBC1 BBC2 ITV Channel 4 Five 7.00pm The One Show Gypsy Child Thieves Film: Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire News News 7.30pm Wildest Dreams       Building The Ultimate 8.00pm   Economy Gastronomy   Location, Location, Location World War One in Colour 8.30pm Seaside Rescue         9.00pm Crimewatch Dragons' Den   Big Brother Film: Cradle 2 The Grave 9.30pm     (9.45pm) Harry Potter: Behind The Magic     10.00pm News Shooting Stars News Ugly Betty   10.30pm (10.45pm) Crimewatch Update Newsnight (10.35pm) Cops With Cameras     11.00pm Silverville (11.20pm) The Wire   Skins (11.10pm) Rory And Paddy's Great British Adventure

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